He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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