Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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