Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
