hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
