Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
