brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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