I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
