It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
