We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
