kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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