dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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