I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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