he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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