If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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