I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We got so high we made milksteak
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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