alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
