Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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