also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
