My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
