i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
