I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
