I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
