BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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