I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
