2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
