So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
