bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
