I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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