Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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