Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My first STD was from a foam party
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
