If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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