No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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