It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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