come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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