the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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