i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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