So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
