does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
