The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
