Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
