why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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