When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
