Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
