I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
