Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
