I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
