We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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