i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Your dad touched me again.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
