I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The chlamydia really affected his face.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
