I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
