okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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