oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
