I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
