carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just tell him i said nine months
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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