I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
