also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
