you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
