david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
