My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
