my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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